I Still Can't Sleep

I still can't sleep or sit still for more than a few minutes. I was awake until 7:30 this morning. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember, but it only happens every once in awhile, and this feels different. I still feel that burning sense of purpose in my chest and I can't quiet myself down long enough to relax. I'm too excited about church and life and the vision that God has given me for me to rest. I know I need to sleep, but short of sleeping pills, I really don't know what I can do. Anyway, I'm not complaining! I like staying awake and getting stuff done. I'm reading twelve books at once right now and I'm stoked about what God is teaching me. I haven't been able to truly learn anything for awhile. I've been in school too long to learn. School isn't as much about learning as it is about paperwork and professor-pleasing. I believe that learning is a lifelong process and as a pastor, I need to be a constant student. Someone once said that you must teach from a running stream rather than a stagnant pool. I believe that you absolutely cannot teach what you do not learn. I need to constantly be learning something or I have nothing to offer anyone. Anyway, that's my thought for the day.

Cocaine: The Ultimate Ministry Tool

(the title's for you Jin)

Jeremiah 20:9 But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

I woke up this morning feeling like like someone pumped me full of speed. I literally bounced out of bed with all the energy in the world pumping through my heart. I went for a run, pumped some weights grabbed an americano(single shot instead of my usual double) and drove to San Leandro for a meeting. It's midnight and I still have that wired feeling going on...I think it started on Saturday night and hasn't really stopped since. Back when I was serious about music, I would have an idea for a song and it would eat at me from the inside out. I'd have this burning desire to complete this song that I could feel inside of me and I couldn't rest until I got it all out. Sometimes I'd stay up all through the night writing lyrics and working out the chorus, the bridge the verses and arranging the parts until it was perfect and I could let it go. I feel that way now, except it's about church and God's word. I feel like I have so much that I need to preach and teach and if I don't get it just right it will eat away at me until I explode. I'm excited! (if you couldn't tell) I can identify with Jeremiah's statement...I can't bear holding it in.

Sappy blog.

So it's been awhile since my last post. In that time, a few things have happened. The biggest and best being that I am now engaged to the love of my life. That in itself is worthy of a moment of silence. If some of you who are reading this know me from long ago, you know that for me allowing myself to love someone was an issue for me. I dated a "few" people here and there but I never even came close to any sort of real commitment. I had given up my dream of finding someone who had everything I was looking for in a person. I didn't think that she existed and that I would have to settle for something less, but it turns out she really did exist....she was just hiding in Canada. (it's the last place you look y'know.) Alright....the sap is getting to me now.